Empty

Another Empty Soul
I find myself on a slippery slope,
heading for a bottomless pit.

My heart has given up,
on what it longed for.
There is no excitement
or up lift there.
Just sadness and sorrow
to look at and stare.
An empty vessel
on a sea of dreams,
no outstretched hand
to drag me out of there.
Down I go into darkness,
the light above gets dimmer
as I go on my ride downward.
I am not looking back,
too many broken dreams there.
The darkness will soon engulf me,
and then I will be gone.
Who will sing my praises?
No one I fear.
I will be another empty soul,
on a sea that is already full,
too aimless
to find any way back.

David Harris

 

Not sure what to do anymore. I need to change some things in my life before I hit the bottom. I feel emotionless and over emotional at the same time. I am starting to feel guilty about everything I do and say in my life. 

I want to start this blog again, loose weight to the point I can take a full body picture and not hate myself (and for the record, I like my curves ... just not as much of them), take more pictures, work on my languages and businesses and just find time to find myself again.

I don't know who I am anymore. So lost and confused. I used to have dreams and passions ... and when asked what they are ... I think long and hard and can't think of anything that drives me to the point of tears or would kill me to never achieve. I'm starting to get addicted to games again because I feel I can be someone special, that I AM someone special to people. I have an amazing group of friends that are excited when I log on and we can go explore and fight together. 

 

Some days I wish the world was really like that. 

I find out that Robin Williams died today, from apparent suicide. And want to remind everyone that people will hide their issues, those that seem the happiest are usually hiding the most. BE KIND TO EVERYONE because you never know what might be the tipping point in someone's life.

I haven't felt happy in a long time. Feel like my feeling don't matter, that I, honestly don't matter.
This feeling of neglect, disrespect, lack of love .... hurts. But its starting to numb out, like I am used to it. 

I want to matter.

I want to be special, feel special.

I want to be someones everything, the reason they do what they do.

I want to change someones life for the better.

As I am now, I feel I will only hurt people the way I am hurting inside.

I know this will pass or I will hide it with everything else. And I am truly sorry for being so negative.

 

So I need to evaluate my life and everything in it. 

You shall see me more soon.

Maybe I will post weight loss progress pictures for you all.  Would you like that?

<3